Once Bitten, Twice Shy...

Have you ever been snake bitten before? Not literally obviously, because that would’ve sucked. And if you have been, again that sucks. I hope it wasn’t poisonous and glad you lived through it. I'm talking about an experience that you’ve had where it really shook the core of who you were. Maybe something that hit you really hard and took the breath right out of you? A feeling that you never want to experience again because it hurt so bad, which in turn made you second guess doing something that maybe before you wouldn’t think twice about. I think we’ve all been through something like this in our lives. For some it might be a near death experience, others maybe a bad taste in your mouth, or a sharp physical pain that we may never want to come close to feeling again. It’s only human nature to want to avoid these things the second time around, or maybe the third. I don’t know why I’ve never really talked about mine. I guess I wanted to avoid it, steer clear the memories or anything that might take me back to that snake pit. I'm over it now so I think huzzing about it on this blog is not only soothing but my way of strutting through thick grass not caring if I hear a rattler or not.

Before I get into what happened to me 5 or 6 years back, I will say that as much as I got hurt in this experience I can honestly say it’s the best thing thats ever happened to me to this day. A lot of good has come from this and I’ll explain later. I got bit in the ankle by a freaking king cobra bad about 5 years ago by a lady. Absolutely crushed. Ill give you a background. I met her in college, she was actually a friends sister who I have much respect for. We knew we were both into each other so I did it right, I did the whole “I need to talk to your brother” thing first, made sure it was okay. Once he said it was cool the next thing you know we were off. It was a great, very seldom did we argue, pushed each other, respected each other, bad times, good times, you name it. We went through it all. Families were introduced, time marched on, closer and closer we got to each other. Graduation came and went. I moved out to DC where she was from and things were steam rolling straight ahead. Exactly as I had imagined and just like I pictured it. Jokes and laughs about next steps turned into serious conversations. I mean I thought nothing could derail this Amtrak Accela train heading straight to Union Station. I was flying, on cloud nine, whistling while I worked. However you want to say it…

I got a call on my way to work from her one random day and said she needed to talk. I knew right away something was up. She said she needed a break. Out of nowhere, out of the blue. Shook me to my core. She said God told her she needed to be by herself for a bit. “Really”, I thought?!?! What’s his number cause I definitely want to run a couple things by him. I had a feeling it was fishy. Then not even a month later I got another call from her and said she had been dating someone else, a white Christian rapper for cryin’ out loud! The only thing I can even begin to muster up in my head was.. “are you serious?” A clean version of Eminem? I mean that doesn’t even sound like something I would download on iTunes for free. Eminem was his best when he was screaming muck words and angry. Perfect for work out music or warm-ups to sports games. The idea of him singing praises and love just doesn’t seem like it would sell any records. But whatever, I guess she was buying…

Anyways the next year or so was pretty tough as I'm sure you would imagine. I struggled to find myself again. The laughter wasn’t there, I wasn’t flying anymore, I fell through the clouds, and my confidence was shot. I was alone. I had my friends of course but for the most part something was missing. It’s funny because when you feel like that, naturally you want to try to replace it. So you try to find and find and search and look. But it was a pointless treasure hunt. I'm telling you, it was bad. After I got tired of it all, I just gave up trying to replace…

Then a funny thing happened. You see when you’re alone, although you don’t know it, you’re constantly learning about yourself. You start to think on your own, you discover what you like and what you don’t like, what intrigues you, what disgusts you, things that make you happy, you try new things, meet new people etc. Then slowly you start to laugh again, your confidence comes back, you start to take risks, you find that the things that you thought you lost never were really lost at all. It was just buried underneath shit. I look back at this now and realize that this was all unfolding right before my eyes, I just wasn’t aware of it. It takes time and once I found myself again I wondered why I lost it in the first place.

So I told you at the beginning of the post a lot of good things have happened to me because of this. Just to name a few:

1. I dodged a bullet. Not to bash anyone or anything but I look back at the person I was and where I was headed. I'm at a complete 180 from what I might have become if things didn’t happen the way they did. Thank God Because I wouldn’t change who I am now for anything.

2. I'm not really afraid of anything these days. Sure I still hate sharks and massive spiders, but other than that nothing could be worse than what happened 5 years ago, so bring it on.

3. I’ve learned that respect is big for me. Everyone starts out at 100 in my book. I show people the same respect I would expect from them. If you some how disrespect me and drop to down to 99, sorry you’re not moving back up to 100 ever. You will always be on the outside looking in from me. I don’t care, I can cut it off at anytime, and in my opinion if you somehow manage to go down to 99 then you weren’t worth the friendship, trust, respect, effort I thought you were worthy of in the first place. No problem throwing the deuce, like I said I’ve been through worse.

4. I’ve met new people and reconnected with old ones who I never would’ve thought I’d connect with if things didn’t happen the way they did. This is a treasure in and of itself.

5. I know I’m never going to lose myself again. I'm mindful of this and its just not going to happen, ever.

6. And last but not least, my laugh is back its actually been back for a while but for a long time it wasn’t the same.

So you see the next time you get snake bitten it might be a blessing in disguise. Sift through the dirt, buckle down, go through it, and find out something new about yourself. Its never a bad thing and can only lead to something good. Huzz with you soon peeps...